I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
there was a trapeze. enough said
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
