I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The air was thick with penises
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
