I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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