My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
