i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
