dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
