I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
