Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
