i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
