sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Pooping to opera.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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