New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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