how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I am naked and annoyed.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
