I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
