i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
