Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Send help, water and tortillas.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
