I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
