my soul wont recognize me after tonight
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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