if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
