im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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