I'm going to jail i love you
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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