So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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