Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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