I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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