i don't like sucking hair
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
