Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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