I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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