He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
