I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
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You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
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he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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