i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
