I'm gonna have a badass scar
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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