I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
