THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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