it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize