Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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