You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
