My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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