So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
