It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
