Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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