I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
