I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
