Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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