I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
