why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
