I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
