and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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