I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
