Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
The air taste purple.
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