i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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