i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
