his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
