I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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