I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
