I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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