does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
