There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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