What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
