I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
