Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
