i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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