'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
