Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
