Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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