I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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