She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
