Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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