I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
