you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
