I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
