I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
