I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
