it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we're making bets on your personal life
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
