u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
