My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
