You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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