how can u be prego again
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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