i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
